


Impulse

by devera



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 14:46:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1189104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devera/pseuds/devera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An enemy spell goes right, eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impulse

**Author's Note:**

> This may have started based on a prompt, although it’s been so long I don’t remember what or where. I do remember that what I wanted to do was see if I could deliberately make everyone OOC and still end up with a fic I wouldn’t be ashamed of.
> 
> But, have you ever worked on something so long that you no longer have any kind of objective perspective on it? It's like, when you're cooking, you can't taste it at the end when it's time to eat. That's how I feel about this. It was a real battle to get through this in places, even though I wanted to, and it went in directions I didn’t initially intend (it was way angstier in the first draft, for a start). Now that it's done, I really can't tell whether I got the flavour right, in the end.

"SHALAKAZAM!"

Hakkai is used to enemies hurling abuse. Curses slides off him like water off a duck's back. Threats are taken with a grain of salt. He is never distracted, his aim is never out, his timing never off. If someone wants him dead, every ounce of his focus is on disappointing them. But for a second, just this once, he's so startled he can't react, doesn't even know how he's _supposed_  to react, which leaves him wide open for a killing blow.

The blow never comes. There is however a long, awkward pause wherein everyone, friend and foe alike, are standing frozen, some of them even in mid-action, staring at the oddly and brightly clothed demon in the centre of the battle.

"Uh, what?" someone, not anyone in their party, says after a moment.

"It's a spell! A _spell_!" the demon declares, looking a little upset.

"Ah," Hakkai murmurs. He had wondered why he was dressed so strangely. "I see. You're a wizard."

Somewhere to his right, Gojyo is either trying not to laugh or trying not to choke, it's a little hard to tell.

"Like, a pulls rabbits out of his hats wizard, Hakkai?" Goku calls out.  "Cool!"

Around him it seems other combatants are starting to catch whatever Gojyo's got. Hakkai feels a smile pulling at the corners of his own mouth, but really, this isn't the time.

"No, Goku," he corrects calmly. "That's a magician. I am sorry, Mister Wizard. You were saying?"

"Oh, shit, Hakkai! Don't!" Gojyo gasps, and he's laughing outright now. Hakkai spares him a fond glance, but Mister Wizard seems to be getting a little agitated, so perhaps it would be a good idea not to get too caught up in the moment.

"Go ahead and laugh!” the demon shrieks, but rather than guilt anyone into silence as possibly intended, the floodgates open and now almost everyone is laughing. Hakkai can even see Sanzo smirking behind the cover of his hand and honestly, why is _he_ always the responsible one?

“You won’t be laughing once the spell starts to take effect!” the wizard screams, and he really is turning an alarming shade of purple. “You’ll turn inside out where you stand! Just you wait! And then I’ll be the one the to take the scriptures to the Queen, and all of _you_ ,” he points imperiously at his apparent comrades, who look liable to drop their weapons they’re laughing so hard, “will be sorry you didn’t listen to me! You’ll see! You’ll see!”

He waves his arms, a little like he’s trying to take off, and then suddenly there’s a bang – well, it’s more like a pop, really – and smoke, and when it clears, the wizard is actually gone. Well, not so much gone, as running in the opposite direction, his skirts hitched up around his knees.

“Oh my god,” Gojyo gasps, and Hakkai feels his hand land on his shoulder as he gropes for steadier purchase. “Oh my god, I can’t breathe. That was the funniest – Oh my god.”

Hakkai smiles indulgently.

“Well, I believe if you stand there a little longer, Gojyo, you may be lucky enough to find someone will put you out of your misery.”

“Eh?” Gojyo gasps in a breath. “What- Oh!” An enemy sword cuts the air right about where Gojyo was standing, separating the two of them as they both spring out of the way. “Hey, watch where you’re swinging that thing! You could have killed someone!”

Clearly, demonic sense of humour is shorter lived than a humans’.  The battle recommences shortly thereafter, but really, their hearts aren't completely in it any more.

 

++++++

 

The first Hakkai knows that the spell actually worked – after a fashion - is the next time they meet another human being. The battle is hours behind them, Sanzo’s scriptures are still firmly on his shoulders, none of them have turned inside out (although Goku did eat enough at their last stop to almost make himself sick) and they’re looking forward to a decent meal and a nice warm bed. They only stop to ask for a recommendation as to where to stay in town. They do it all the time. Usually it goes something like this:

> _Hakkai_ : Pardon me, sir (or madam, depending on who he’s talking to), but have you come from town? Do you know anywhere we might stay for the night? We’re travelling, you see.
> 
> _Townsperson_ : Oh sure. Try [insert name of inn here]. Their dumplings are pretty good too. (Everyone’s dumplings are pretty good, or so the ikkou have been advised over the miles).
> 
> _Gojyo_ : Any pretty waitresses there?
> 
> _Goku_ : Dumplings?! YAY!
> 
> _Sanzo_ : ….

What happens this time is more like:

> _Hakkai_ : You. We want somewhere to stay tonight. Preferably not lice-ridden.
> 
> _Townsperson_ : … Uh. You could, err, try The Jade Bowl? They’re, um, pretty clean. And they have a nice view of the river.
> 
> _Gojyo_ : … Uh, Hakkai?
> 
> _Hakkai_ : What?
> 
> _Gojyo_ : Are you feeling all right, man?
> 
> _Hakkai_ : Fine. Why?
> 
> _Gojyo_ : Because you just… Never mind. Hey, Monkey Breath. What the hell are you looking so glum for?
> 
> _Goku_ : …
> 
> _Sanzo_ : Well, _I_ think it sounds nice.

Well, to be precise, that’s not exactly the moment Hakkai realizes.

 

++++++

 

“Oh, for God’s sake! It’s a vehicle. A jeep, to be precise. You’d think they'd never seen one, the way they're all staring.”

“Hakkai,” Sanzo says gently. “I think they’re probably staring because you’re abusing them.”

“I am not-“

“Um. I think you’ll find you are.”

Hakkai replays what he just said, what he’s been saying since they got to town, and notices two things at once.

  1. What he’s thinking and what’s coming out of his mouth are not exactly the same things, and
  2. He can’t actually make it stop.



He grips the steering wheel a little harder and conducts a minor experiment as they pass a townswoman on the sidewalk talking to someone. What he means to _say_ is:

_What a very attractive person._

What comes out is:

“I think these people might be inbred.”

Next to him, Sanzo makes a disapproving noise. Behind him, Gojyo coughs out a laugh.

“Okay, that’s it. There's definitely something not kosher here,” Gojyo says, and he sounds torn between amused and worried.  “Hey, Priest. What do you think?”

Gojyo doesn't often ask Sanzo's opinion on things, but perhaps he's more worried than he seems? Either that, or he's already realized what has taken Hakkai most of the afternoon to work out.

“Gojyo," Sanzo sighs, glaring at the road ahead of them, and Hakkai has to actually look to check it's him speaking because that tone of voice isn't really anything Hakkai's heard from him before. "You know, it’d be nice if you’d use my name once in a while.”

There's silence for a second, and then Gojyo starts laughing.

“And as for what’s wrong with Hakkai," Sanzo continues, patiently ignoring Gojyo, which is about as much of an indication that something is very, very wrong as anything Hakkai's said all morning. "I think it might be wrong with all of us.”

“Well, duh,” Goku puts in, and then goes back to sullen silence, which makes Gojyo laugh even harder.

"Oh, shut up, Gojyo," Hakkai adds.

It should be noted that of course he doesn't.

 

++++++

 

“This,” Gojyo says with great satisfaction, “is possibly the best day of my life.”

"I don't see why," Hakkai says irritably, then cringes and deliberately does not look at the grin that's probably splitting Gojyo's face as he leans against the reception desk of the inn they've chosen. "I mean, that ridiculous spell hit all of us so there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't also be– You. What are you doing? Writing a dissertation? Here, give me that. Four names. It's really not that hard."

Even while he's snatching the register from the hotel clerk's hands, he's listening to himself. It's his voice, but those are not the words he wants to say – literally – and the dissonance it's causing in his head is disturbing to say the least.

"You know," Gojyo drawls lazily, and there's a laugh in his voice he isn't even _trying_ to hide. "I almost like you better like this. But the priest and the monkey? That shit's just wrong."

Hakkai finishes signing in, snatches the keys from the cowed receptionist and turns. He would like to argue, but he can't. Sanzo and Goku are still waiting at the door, and it's difficult to determine what's worse, that Goku has said barely a word, none of which have had anything to do with food, and instead is staring gloomily off into space, or that Sanzo is smiling – smiling and apparently _chatting amiably_ with one of the local townsfolk.

"Well," Sanzo is saying, in as cheerful a tone as Hakkai has ever in living memory heard out of him. "I mean, it seems a nice enough town. I wouldn't mind staying, if I wasn't on a bit of a mission. Is there a local temple? I've probably got time to –"

"Sanzo!" Hakkai barks, and Sanzo jerks and glances over at him and at least he still has his ability to _glower_. "Two rooms, third floor. Get moving. Goku, you too."

He holds out their key expectantly, and Goku gets up off the floor like it's the hardest thing he's had to do all day.

"Fine," he mumbles and comes over and takes the key from Hakkai like a desultory teen. "Like I even care."

Gojyo whistles as they watch Sanzo pick up both his bags and the bags Goku left behind, before throwing Hakkai a betrayed look and stalking past them to follow Goku up the stairs. "Man, that was a beautiful thing to watch."

"I'm thrilled you think so," Hakkai says sourly. "Now why don't _you_ get moving too?" He shoves the keys at Gojyo, who grabs them against his gut with a small 'oof' and just laughs again.

"Sure, sure," he concedes. "No need to get violent."

Gojyo strolls off in the direction of the stairs, whistling cheerfully and Hakkai, scowling, picks up the bags and follows.

At least someone, he thinks uncharitably, is having fun.

 

++++++

 

"So," Gojyo says, as he lets himself back into the room. Hakkai looks up from the book he hasn't been able to read for the last several hours while Gojyo was gone, and frowns. It's not the interruption per se; far from it, in fact. He's glad of Gojyo's return, but it reminds Hakkai that Gojyo continues to be completely unaffected by what Hakkai and Sanzo, in a conversation that Hakkai never wants to repeat, have surmised is some kind of magic that is affecting their behaviour.

Why Gojyo seems immune is a matter of not some small concern. After all, he was assumedly hit with the spell along with everyone else, and there's no logical reason why he should be any less susceptible to its perceivable influence. Sanzo argued – and it bears repeating that Hakkai _never_ wants to have a conversation like that ever again – that the youkai wizard must have merely gotten something wrong, ergo the reason why the spell is lame (not Sanzo's words) and not working on empty-headed water sprites (also not his words, but Hakkai can comfortably fill in the blanks).

Hakkai's theory has a slightly gloomier outlook however. Perhaps the spell has just not finished doing what it was designed to do. He doesn't think he's being overly paranoid about it. After all, it's hardly debilitating as attacks go, so it's logical to consider the possibility that there must be more to it. The problem is, Hakkai can't think what more there could be. Right now, it only seems to have affected certain externalizing aspects of their personalities. Sanzo is talking too much, Goku not at all. And Hakkai… Well, Hakkai is now saying everything he thinks, and for the life of him he doesn't seem able to couch his terms in any way that could possibly be construed as polite.

It hasn't affected their decision making abilities, as far as Hakkai can tell. Sanzo still smacks Goku with his fan, regardless the way he gives him a careful talking to beforehand. Goku still eats like he's starving – he just doesn't seem to enjoy it, and that's so wrong there aren't even words for it. And Hakkai for his part is still doing their laundry and paying their bills and arranging for supplies; he's just not doing it _nicely_. So what precisely the spell was meant to do, unless it was improve their personalities which it most certainly has not, Hakkai still doesn't know.

He doesn't like not knowing, and he doesn't like not knowing why Gojyo, of them all, is unaffected.

"You are going to love what I found out in town," Gojyo says, sitting down on the bed opposite and reaching down to pull his boots off.

Hakkai puts his book down and sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed so he can look at Gojyo straight on. "Like I'm going to love the reason you were gone several hours only to come back with a hickey on your neck?" he demands coolly.

Gojyo's head jerks up at that, clearly startled, and Hakkai blinks and curses himself silently, because hadn't been intending to mention it. Maybe the spell is affecting his impulse control?

He watches as Gojyo's hand rises to the mark on his throat – red and angry, going a little purple around the edge of a large impression that looks suspiciously like teeth – and his cheeks go tellingly red.

"Well," he says dryly after a moment of staring at Hakkai's face. "What do you want me to say? I got the information any way I could."

"Did you?" Hakkai forces himself to stick to very short sentences, because he has no idea in this moment exactly what he might say if he let himself. The words come out flat and angry and Gojyo scowls a little.

" _No_ ," he says. "But the librarian _was_ pretty hot."

"Right," Hakkai sighs. "A librarian. Of course. How cliché of you."

And it's possibly not the meanest thing he's said to Gojyo all afternoon, but oddly, that's the one that seems to get a reaction. Gojyo looks distinctly hurt for a moment, long enough for Hakkai to recognize it, before he's looking away, shifting his boots to the end of the bed and reaching for his duffel.

"Yeah, well, anyway, back to the issue at hand – youkai lore hereabouts apparently _does_ involve a clan whose neatest trick was turning things upside down."

Hakkai blinks, distracted from the mental image of Gojyo fucking some pretty librarian with glasses up against a bookshelf. "Upside down?"

"Yeah," Gojyo says, and reaches up to pull his shirt over his head. "Upside down, inside out, round about. Like, _opposite_."

"Opposite."

"Which would, you know." He shakes his hair out and drops the shirt on the bed.

"For God's sake, put it in the laundry," Hakkai says distractedly. "Which would explain why Sanzo is suddenly the Dalai Lama and Goku is…"

"The teen from Hell?" Gojyo leans over and lobs his shirt at the bag Hakkai normally designates dirty laundry, and then throws him what's best described as a cheeky grin. "And why you're more of a bitch on the outside, yeah?"

Hakkai sighs heavily and pinches the bridge of his nose, sure he can develop a migraine if he tries hard enough. At least Gojyo doesn't say anything more. Perhaps even he, as much as he seems to be enjoying himself, isn't stupid enough to really push it.

"Did you happen to find out anything else while you were banging the librarian? By any chance how to reverse the spell perhaps?"

Gojyo, tying back his hair apparently so Hakkai can see the _other_ hickey as well, glances over. "I wasn't- Never mind," he sighs. "Yeah, kind of. The clan's been gone for centuries, but apparently there's an old temple a few miles out of town. If we're going to find out anything else about this spell, that's where we'll find it. I'll go out there first thing in the morning. Maybe something or someone out there will be able to tell us what we need to know."

"Well," Hakkai says, and the idea of spending one more minute, let alone a night, like this makes him grind his back molars together. "Good. The sooner the better."

"If you say so," Gojyo agrees, pulling a fresh shirt out of his bag and sliding it over his head. "But, man, don't you feel…"

"What?"

"I don't know. Good. _Free_."

Hakkai scowls and throws himself back on his bed. "No, I don't. In fact, I'm wondering if I'm still going to have a best friend, by tomorrow."

Gojyo seems to find that funny as well, and now he's back on his feet and standing by Hakkai's bed, grinning down at him.

"Hate to tell you, buddy, but you wanna get rid of me, you're gonna have to do a little more than just call me names." He leans down and pats Hakkai cheerfully on the cheek, and Hakkai glares up at him and takes a moment to thank the _gods_ that Gojyo is Gojyo.

"I haven't been calling you names, asshole."

"Wow, now outta your mouth, that's wrong," Gojyo laughs. "Funny, but wrong. I'm going down to dinner. If you think you can control your PMS for long enough, you should come eat. Restaurant looks good. And I am _not_ missing Sanzo being nice to the wait staff."

 

+++++++

 

Hakkai would never admit it – all right, actually he probably would, but only to himself – but coming down to dinner and watching Sanzo be nice to people, all the while with this faint, pained look on his face, is actually possibly worth the whole ordeal. It's a little more worrisome that Goku refuses to talk. Instead he's stolen Gojyo's cheap Walkman and is sitting, listening to music through the headphones and looking every bit like he'd rather be anywhere else than here. And Gojyo…

Gojyo still does not seem affected. He's still as charming and affable as always, still flirts with the waitresses, still slouches in his chair and throws Hakkai those cheeky grins across the table, still chain smokes and throws back beer after beer like they're oolong tea.

"Another?" he asks Hakkai, gesturing at Hakkai's empty sake jug.

"I'd uh," Sanzo says suddenly from beside him, and it looks like the effort is _killing_ him. "I'd really like one too, Gojyo, if you're buying a round."

Gojyo freezes in mid-gesture at the question, mouth hanging open, and Hakkai throws him a dark, forbidding look. He may not _sound_ like himself at the moment, but he can still imply strongly.

"Uh," Gojyo says in a strangled tone, cutting a glance at Hakkai and then swallowing, having clearly understood said implications. "Uh, sure, Sanzo. Okay. No, problem."

Sanzo looks distinctly relieved. Hakkai's pretty sure it's not because Gojyo's buying him another drink. Or then again, maybe it is. "Thanks," he says, and Gojyo gets up and walks away from the table looking just a little shell-shocked.

"That was…" Hakkai starts, and realizes he was about to say, _a stupid thing to do,_ and only just manages to bite his own tongue to stop himself.

"Torturous," Sanzo moans quietly, so only Hakkai can hear him. "Hakkai, tell me we're going to be back to normal tomorrow."

Hakkai wishes he could say that, but he can't. "Oh for God's sake, just-" And then he hears himself and tries again. "Look, maybe you just shouldn't talk, to me specifically, but I suggest at all. That way, no one will get shot."

Sanzo frowns a little. "I wasn't going to shoot you," he mumbles and Hakkai refuses to believe he just kicked a puppy without really meaning to; he knows the real Sanzo is still in there, and he won't thank Hakkai for putting him in the position he's in right now more than he absolutely has to. "But you're probably right. You're usually right. In fact, I’ve been thinking, the more we – Oh."

Hakkai's just about to remind Sanzo he just agreed that it would be best for all concerned if he was _quiet_ , but Sanzo's not looking at him anymore.

"Oh. Err. I think Gojyo's…."

Hakkai feels his heart clench in his ribcage as he starts to turn. He should have known. He should have _known_ Gojyo wasn't unaffected by the spell. It's all _his_ fault. He never saw the change in him, and he should have. What kind of man is he, that he can't even care enough about the only person truly dear to him in the world that he never noticed that Gojyo… that Gojyo was…

"Oh, for fuck’s sake," Goku sighs, apparently having surfaced from his headphones long enough to push his plate away from him, and he sounds more fed up than shocked. "Anyone would think you'd never seen him get cruised by guys before. You know it happens all the fucking time."

"Language, please, Goku," Sanzo mumbles.

"Whatever," Goku snorts. "I'm going to my room."

But Hakkai's not paying attention, because no, it's not like he's never seen another man hit on Gojyo before, and it’s not like he’s ever seen Gojyo turn them down with anything less than the easy smile of a man in no way threatened by other people's desire. He's just never seen him...

"He's… um," Sanzo ventures.

"Letting that guy feel him up in public," Hakkai finishes, and he's not sure just when he got to his feet but since he's up, he might as well go over there and break things up before they… Well, he wants to say 'get out of hand', but really the problem is what's getting _in_ hand.

"Excuse me," he says as soon as he reaches them – the most polite he's been all day, actually - and it's easier than he thought to acknowledge the small flare of satisfaction at the way Gojyo jumps guiltily.

"Oops," he says, jerking back to a safe distance despite the fact that it's clearly too late for that. "Ahahaha, your drinks are coming, Hakkai. Man, you're pushy today."

"Fuck," Hakkai enunciates clearly and carefully, just so Gojyo knows it's actually deliberate, "the drinks." And he grabs Gojyo's arm, turns, and drags him away from the man, the bar, and finally the room.

It takes Gojyo a few moments to get over his surprise, but he does get over it.

"Hakkai. Hey! Hakkai! Come on, man. What? Oh, you seriously can't tell me you're shocked. I mean, really? I was just –"

"Shut up. Right. Now."

"…Okay."

Hakkai jerks to a halt next to a couple of storage crates, and then, because a hallway in the back of a restaurant isn't nearly private enough for this conversation, turns again, pushes the door opposite open and swings Gojyo around, shoves him over the threshold, then follows him in – it's a store room or something, but it'll do for his purposes – and closes the door emphatically behind him.

"Just when - exactly _when_ \- were you going to bother mentioning this to me?"

"When hell froze over?" Gojyo sighs, leaning casually – although he's not fooling Hakkai – up against the crates crammed along the facing wall. "Seriously, Hakkai, is this that big a deal? He was just getting a little friendly, that's all. I could have handled him. No harm done."

"No harm-" Hakkai starts in disbelief. "In case you haven't noticed, you were hit by a spell this morning that apparently turned you into a…"

Gojyo's face goes hard. "A _what_ , Hakkai? Go ahead and say it, since you're not holding anything _back_ these days. I fucking _dare_ you."

But his defensiveness, the reality of his _anger_ and something else too – hurt, perhaps, just skirting the edges of his expression and his tone - doesn't make Hakkai angry in turn; actually, it does quite the opposite. He stops, and blinks and, and this is Gojyo; womanizing, 'No Dudes' Gojyo.

"You're…all right with this?"

Gojyo’s silence, the way his gaze slinks away like something furtive, is as definite an answer as Hakkai’s ever heard.

"But you don't like -"

Gojyo’s cheeks go red, actually red. Hakkai is fairly sure he's never seen Gojyo blush in the whole time he's known him.

"Look, can we just not talk about it? I won't do it again, all right? If it freaks you out or something. I'll just go upstairs, and then tomorrow… Tomorrow we can go out to the temple and… and undo whatever's been done, and then everything will be okay again."

"No," Hakkai says.

"No?” Gojyo repeats, his head whipping back around again, his expression hot with surprise. “What do you mean 'N-'" His expression falls for a second as he gets what he thinks Hakkai is saying, and then goes hard again. "Right. I get it. Well, at least this damn spell's been good for _something_ then. Although, I never thought I'd ever hear _you_ -"

Hakkai doesn't care what Gojyo never thought he'd hear. He crosses the two steps between them almost in one, grabs the back of Gojyo's head, jerks him forward and kisses him.

"Uh. Wha'?" Gojyo says a little stupidly when Hakkai releases him.

"You seriously better not have been about to accuse me, of all people, of being a bigot," Hakkai says, and even though he's pretty sure he just made a point – although he's not one hundred percent certain what it was right at the moment – he can't seem to take his hand out of Gojyo's hair.

Gojyo just stands pressed against the crate behind him and stares like Hakkai just turned into a heavenly squid.

"But you just-" He laughs suddenly, sounding just a little hysterical. "No. See? Just- No. That is not… I mean, you don't… But, no. Look, I'm –" He's pushing vaguely at Hakkai's arm, turning, trying to step away, get away. He's running.

"You're what?" Hakkai demands, refusing to let him retreat. "Actually interested in that man? Do you honestly want to fuck him?" Gojyo freezes and stares at him at that. "Or let him fuck you? Is that how it is?"

"You have no idea how wrong it is hearing you say shit like that," Gojyo says faintly, still staring.

"Believe me, it's just as disconcerting as discovering you suddenly don't mind _cock_."

"Fuck, would you _quit_ that?!"

"I'll consider it," Hakkai says, although he might just be lying. "Now, _talk_."

"What the fuck do you want me to say?!" Gojyo explodes, his face suddenly animated with frustration. "I want sex. I _like_ sex. A lot. I just happen to currently want it with guys. It's _no big deal_."

No big deal? Hakkai would say it’s a very big deal, at least to him.

"If it’s no big deal, then don't go back out there,” he urges abruptly, and if there had been some sort of decision to make, it appears that he's already made it. “Whatever you need, take it from me."

But rather than pleased at the idea, rather than jump at it, Gojyo just shakes his head.

"You don't want-" he starts, and maybe he had been about to say ‘that’, or perhaps even 'me', in which case Hakkai believes it only right to demonstrate that he's very, very wrong. This time when he kisses Gojyo, it's harder. Gojyo makes a sound of protest against Hakkai's mouth and raises a hand, perhaps to shove him off. Hakkai catches at his wrist and presses him harder against the crates behind him, which rattle in response for a moment before Hakkai cups the back of Gojyo's head with his other hand and presses his fingertips into his scalp, massaging while he pushes at Gojyo's lips with his tongue. Gojyo’s lips part on a breath and then quite suddenly he’s no longer resisting.

He tastes like beer, of course, and the garlic won tons he stuffed down at dinner, which is less pleasant than it could be, but the way he relaxes all of a sudden in Hakkai's hold more than makes up for that. Hakkai crowds him up against the crates again, shifts until their hips come flush and he can slide a knee between Gojyo's and press his thigh against the hardening bulge of Gojyo's cock.

"Um," Gojyo gasps when Hakkai pauses to let him. His hands, both of them, are in Hakkai's hair. They feel really, unbelievably good.

"You were saying?" Hakkai queries breathlessly, without moving an inch.

"But…" Gojyo pants out. "I mean, the spell."

Hakkai shakes his head. "No," he says, sliding his other hand down between them and pushing his fingers flat and firm against the length of Gojyo's cock inside his pants. He watches as Gojyo's mouth falls open and his eyes go a little glazed and ignores the little voice in his head that points out this is what would have been on offer out there tonight, that this is what other men might have had, if Hakkai hadn't been having such a wonderful day. "The spell hasn't changed what I want, only what's going to come out of my mouth while I have it."

Gojyo's cock twitches against Hakkai's fingers and he shudders, his hands dropping to clench on Hakkai's shoulders. "Fuck," he gasps.

Hakkai smiles. "If you insist."

 

++++++++++

 

Maybe it's not terribly moral of Hakkai to be glad of the spell's effects on Gojyo. He's well aware he's taking advantage, but with the way Gojyo drags him through the door of their room, and then kicks it shut and pushes him against it and kisses him, it's hard to feel all that bad about it. Hakkai lets Gojyo do what he likes with his tongue, since it's unsurprisingly quite skilled, while he concentrates his efforts on opening Gojyo's pants and skimming Gojyo out of his shirt. And since Hakkai's thing today is all about being less than polite whether he likes it or not, he jerks open the fly of Gojyo's jeans and shoves a hand unceremoniously past the waistband of his boxers and wraps it around his cock.

" _Fuck_ ," Gojyo hisses, pulling back and sort of glaring at Hakkai, although Hakkai's sure he can't mean it. "That guy today…" he starts. "I didn't- I mean, we didn't-"

"Ah," Hakkai says with false neutrality, sliding his grip around and up until he can push the pad of his thumb gently across the head. It's leaking a little, enough to add some lubrication, so he smears it around slowly and then slides his hand down again in order to repeat the process. "The librarian." No wonder the hickeys had been so prominent. They're covered up now but remembering them makes something in Hakkai's guts twist sharply, and before he knows it he's nosing in under Gojyo's chin, hand tangled in his hair to drag his head back, mouth seeking the already tender skin and sucking on it, hard.

Gojyo hisses and jerks against him, his hands slapping against the door either side of Hakkai's shoulders. Hakkai can feel his voice vibrate under his skin as he groans.

"Fuck, fuck, _fuck_."

"We'll talk about it later," Hakkai promises, drawing back to lick at the now doubly bruised skin. "Don't think this is an end to it." He shoves Gojyo backwards, away from the door and towards the bed.

"You know you're –" Gojyo breaks off as Hakkai pushes him down onto the bed, not terribly politely, and favours him with a rakish grin. "- starting to sound a lot more like yourself. Maybe the spell's wearing off."

"Are you feeling any heterosexual urges currently?" Hakkai challenges in kind.

Gojyo stares up at him, still half smiling. Lust makes him look distracted, hungry, and Hakkai tries not to think about all the times he's looked like that with someone other than him.

"Not as such, no," Gojyo says roughly.

"Then trust me," Hakkai says, although maybe Gojyo has a point about the efficacy of the spell, because right now, what he wants to be saying is fairly close to what's actually coming out of his mouth. "Nothing's changed. Now, get naked.”

He bends down, grips Gojyo's jeans at the hip and pulls. Gojyo, a sharp grin on his face that Hakkai recognizes – reckless, defiant – doesn't make any moves to stop him.

"So, that’s it for the foreplay?" he laughs, as Hakkai tosses his jeans and boxers somewhere in the vicinity of the laundry.

“I’m not doing nice today,” Hakkai retorts, pulling his own shirt over his head without bothering to undo more than the top buttons. “Too bad for you.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” Gojyo ribs, but he doesn’t look all that worried about it. The opposite, in fact. Still, Hakkai can’t exactly let him get away with a comment like that. He reaches down and grabs Gojyo’s leg, and flips him neatly over on the bed and delivers a sharp smack to his bare backside. Gojyo yelps and jerks and then turns his head and throws a hot, feverish look over his shoulder.

"God damn. Where the hell have you been hiding this?"

“Beneath a polite veneer of subtle voyeurism and furtive masturbation,” he says matter of factly, kneeing his way onto the bed and running his hands over Gojyo’s ass, thumb dipping without warning to press against his perineum, just above the soft, hot skin of his ball sack, before sliding firmly up to rub over his dry, clenching asshole. “If I'd been myself, you never would have noticed.”

"Oh," Gojyo breathes shakily, but it doesn’t sound like it’s much in response to what Hakkai is saying and his legs are spreading under Hakkai's hands. “There’s, um. There’s lube in my. Fucking hell. You know where it is. You pack our bags.”

Hakkai does know where it is. Sometimes he even uses it himself. He's fairly certain Gojyo has never noticed that either. He fetches it and comes back and drops it on the bed next to Gojyo's bare hip, then climbs back onto the bed and lays himself down on top of Gojyo's body just to feel his skin, his warmth.

"Mmmm," Gojyo sighs, stretching luxuriously underneath him. "That's nice. You said you weren't doing that."

There's at least a half a dozen things that Hakkai could say to that. Instead he just says, "Shhh." If he doesn't talk, if neither of them do, then maybe he won't be reminded that there's only one reason this is happening and it's not because tact and diplomacy have deserted him. He'll deal with the repercussions later. Right now he just wants to taste Gojyo's skin and run his hands down his sides and map the contours of his hips and gasp at the feel of his cock dragging in the crack of Gojyo's ass.

"Come on, man," Gojyo murmurs, voice low and languid like he's a little drunk. "Thought you had a plan."

 _Plans change_ , he wants to say, a little lost in the warm, sensuous slide of skin on skin. He planned to never have Gojyo know of his attraction. Compared to the fact that he could honestly say he loved him in a way that words like _friend_ and _brother_ in no way adequately described, physical love had seemed like an insignificant thing. He could have denied himself this until the day he died and still been perfectly happy to have ever been fortunate enough to have Gojyo enter his life, even if one of Gojyo's many women had ever managed to catch him, marry him. That would have been fine. Hakkai could accept that. But the idea of Gojyo doing this, _being_ this, with another man…

Hakkai knows the dimensions of his own soul. It's a small, selfish and jealous thing, and he's not sure he could have tolerated it, certainly not now he _knows_ how this feels, knows what sounds Gojyo makes when he kisses the nape of his neck and the back of his ear and the mole on his right shoulder blade and the dimple at the base of his spine. He knows how possessive his grip must feel, how he moves Gojyo according to how he wants him, but he can't seem to stop himself and Gojyo under the influence of the spell doesn't seem inclined to complain.

His hand's shake, eagerness or fear, as he retrieves the lubrication and squeezes some out onto his fingers, but he can't seem to stop that either, the sure, easy slide into Gojyo's body, the thundering of his pulse as Gojyo moves with, not against, the intrusion.

"Oh, yeah, fuck," Gojyo moans into the curve of his braced arm, panting as Hakkai establishes a slick, even rhythm. "That's- Do you have any idea how-"

Hakkai presses his fingertips in and down, gently and firmly, and rubs, and Gojyo cuts off with another moan.

"Hakkai," he gasps. "Step it- Step it up. Seriously. I gotta…"

"You know," Hakkai says softly, "you can come any time. I won't think any less of you."

Gojyo rolls back into the press of Hakkai's hand and gives a shuddering laugh.

"Now you're _definitely_ sounding like yourself. Not sure I – " He moans again and reaches back until he's caught hold of Hakkai's other hand. "Not sure I like it better or worse than the trash talk."

But Hakkai is not himself, certainly not, because he takes Gojyo's flailing hand and lets him pull him closer, and what he means to say in that moment feels like it should be, _You're incredible,_ or, _You saved me and I'll never forget it_ , or even, _I'm in love with you._   What he says instead is,

"I want you to come on my fingers."

Gojyo laughs again, or at least shivers out a sound that he might have meant as a laugh.

"Keep doing- Oh, fuck, yeah - that and I will."

"This?" Hakkai repeats and puts a little more force into the next thrust of his fingers. He's rewarded with a brief, gasping string of invective that is impressive even for Gojyo.

It's like momentum; he can't stop. Or perhaps it's a little like self-harm. The feel of Gojyo's twitching, shuddering body against him makes him ache, makes him want, makes him hungry in a way he's not sure can ever be appeased. The very fact of Gojyo's pleasure – not imagined, but felt - of being the one to make this happen, is addictive. He can taste the tang of Gojyo's sweat when he leans closer and mouths the back of his neck, can feel the thunder of his pulse under his fingertips as he slides his other hand around Gojyo's throat and presses his index finger against the bruise he left with his teeth earlier. Gojyo gasps again and Hakkai presses a little harder.

"Jerk yourself off for me," he breathes against the back of Gojyo's ear and the sound Gojyo makes then is almost a sob as he twists to get a hand on himself. Hakkai would like to see that, he would like it to be his own hand, his mouth, his ass. He would like to see Gojyo's face when he comes. He would like to watch Gojyo ride him. He'd like to tie him up, hold him down, kiss him good morning over his first cup of tea and kiss him goodnight before he rolls over to go to sleep. He'd like to hold hands on market day and curl up on the couch wrapped around him on wintery nights. He would like to do so much, everything, but there's a part of him that is well aware that this won't ever happen again, after the magic has been dispelled, and there's no time to have it all.

There's only enough time to have this, his fingers in the hot grip of Gojyo's body as Gojyo shakes underneath him, groans, comes. He kisses the back of his neck again, imagines what his face looks like and tries to make it enough. The urgent, discomforting throb of his own arousal is immediate, but for a moment only a distant echo to the ache in his chest.

"Stop," Gojyo pants, and his voice is wrecked. "Hakkai."

Hakkai stops. He's breathing almost as hard as Gojyo is. His hand is shaking as he carefully, gently slides his fingers out and reaches across to wipe them on the sheets that Gojyo's grip has pulled into disarray.

"Mother fucker," Gojyo breathes and slumps face down onto the bed. Hakkai eases himself down beside him, pressed close so that he can still feel Gojyo's hot, sweaty skin, can smell the faint musk of his come somewhere underneath him, and wraps a hand, the same still slightly slick hand, around himself.

He can't stop the moan that leaves his throat, doesn't in fact want to. He closes his eyes, and just for a moment as he strokes he allows himself to believe possible all the things he wants. It's a lie, but he's always been so very good at lying, even to himself, and it suffices for just a moment, until Gojyo shifts beside him and says, "No."

Hakkai opens his eyes again and Gojyo is looking at him. He's flushed and messy and his mouth is swollen and he is possibly the most beautiful thing Hakkai has ever seen.

"No, no, no," Gojyo repeats, looking cross. "Fuck, would you just once in a while let me do half of the work? What kind of lay do you think I am, huh?"

Hakkai opens his mouth to answer, although he's not entirely sure what he's going to say, but it appears it was a rhetorical question because Gojyo is quite suddenly pushing him over onto his back and climbing on top of him. Hakkai, for a single perfect second, cannot actually remember how to breathe.

"You," Gojyo says with a sudden grin, "are going to love this bit." And with that he slips down and off the bed, pushes Hakkai's knees apart, kneels between them and without hesitation leans over and slides his mouth down Hakkai's cock.

And, oh, he's wrong. He's so wrong. Love isn't a word that even remotely comes close. He lifts his head, and then pushes himself up a little so he can see and oh, he'll remember this, think about it, until the day he dies. Not so much the sensation of it – Gojyo's hot, wet mouth and the way it feels as he goes down and keeps going, until it feels as if Hakkai must be in his throat, although that is inflaming enough – but how he looks, his hair falling forward, and his eyelashes against his cheek, and his lips and the focus on his face, as if he wants it, wants to give Hakkai this pleasure, as much as Hakkai wanted to pleasure him.

It's an impulse, perhaps understandable at the end of a day where Hakkai has been doing nothing but act on them, but he reaches down and softly pushes Gojyo's damp fringe back from his face. The contact seems to break Gojyo's concentration and he opens his eyes and looks up and-

Later, Hakkai will not be able to say what he saw in them, but the effect is incendiary, fire consuming oxygen. He gasps, feels it rushing to meet him all at once, an overwhelming wave, and then he's coming and Gojyo… Gojyo closes his eyes again and starts swallowing and the understanding drags sensation out of him, clawing, rending release that is almost painful and so, so wonderful. He can't even say when it ends, only that when he blinks again, he is lying on his back, staring at the ceiling, and Gojyo is leaning over him and there is an expression on his face that for some reason makes Hakkai ache in an utterly different way, deep in his chest.

"Gojyo…" he begins, and Gojyo's face clouds, sweeping the expression away.

"No," he says again, softly this time. "Just… Let's not… talk, ok? Just for now."

Hakkai thinks he probably means 'tonight', and he's so bleakly grateful he can only nod. He's beyond grateful when the only thing Gojyo does then is lays himself slowly and carefully down against Hakkai's side and rests his head in the crook of Hakkai's arm. Hakkai resists the urge to wrap around him like a blanket, and they lie like that for long moments, until Hakkai realises he's starting to fall asleep.

"If we're going to do this," he says finally, drowsily, "can we at least get into the bed? My feet are freezing."

Gojyo gives a little huff of a laugh and pushes himself with obvious effort up only far enough to start pulling the covers more fully down.

"Come on then." He nudges Hakkai with a knee. "Move your ass."

Hakkai rolls over and up and then clambers back over the bed, over Gojyo, and flops down again. Gojyo huffs another laugh.

"Gotta always be near the window," he observes softly. "Hey, are you falling asleep on me?"

"No," Hakkai mumbles, or at least thinks he does.

"Are too," Gojyo chides gently. "Never would have picked you for a love 'em and leave 'em kind of guy," he says, but to Hakkai's exhausted brain, it sounds like he's smiling.

"I'm not going anywhere," he says and feels a soft, barely there touch against his face.

"Yeah, I know," Gojyo sighs. 

If he says anything more, Hakkai doesn't hear him.

 

+++++++++

 

When Hakkai wakes again it's morning. Still early, but he slept solidly, unusual for him. More unusual still is that Gojyo is already up and dressed and moving quietly around their room.

"You're up," he observes unnecessarily.

Gojyo doesn't stop what he's doing, which is picking up their clothing from last night and folding it neatly into the laundry bag. He never folds it, Hakkai thinks, but perhaps on this morning of all mornings, it's a completely understandable variation to their routine.

"Figured you'd want to get an early start on that temple," Gojyo says, not quite looking at him. "I'll go downstairs and order us some breakfast to go, let the Priest know what's going on. See you down there."

And he's gone before Hakkai can say anything.

 

++++

 

It's quiet in the jeep as the drive south away from the town. Hakkai doesn't know what Sanzo said, or indeed what Gojyo said to Sanzo, and he doesn't ask. The three of them at least are probably aware that neither Sanzo nor Goku would be of any use today. If they run into trouble, he and Gojyo will deal with it, as they used to.

"It's almost like old times," Gojyo says into the silence, and Hakkai blinks at the echo of his thoughts.

"If that's what you think-" Hakkai starts and then forces himself to stop. This antagonistic approach to matters is not going to help. He forces himself to start again, with something neutral. "Where did you say this temple was?"

Gojyo reaches for the map again, unfolds it and holds it down across his lap against the rushing wind.

"Should be able to see it soon," he guesses, looking up to peer at the horizon. "Look. There."

He points and Hakkai squints a little against the glare and the rounded peaks of a worn mountain range he thought he'd seen in the distance resolve themselves into something much closer and far more man made.

The temple, when they reach it, is a strange, sprawling structure grown seemingly out of the hills. As Hakkai picks a trail through the overgrowth – what seems to be an old stock trail – it becomes clear that the place hasn't been used for many years. The stones are worn, some crumbling, knobbly towers growing up out of the discordant rubble and – Are those faces?

"Kinda creepy," Gojyo observes as they pass close by one of the lower towers, vaguely four-sided and with a face the size and length of their jeep protruding from each side. Hakkai wonders if it's pointless to say that he feels like they're being watched.

"If this is a dead end…" Hakkai starts as they pull up outside what looks to be an entrance into the building.

"Can we just not go there right now?" Gojyo says. "Let's at least go take a look, for fuck's sake."

Seems like Hakkai's not the only one feeling a little less than chipper about the situation they've all found themselves in. Gojyo climbs out before the engine is even off and starts walking. Hakkai, worried that this place, like the spell they're under, is possibly more than it seems, climbs out and with a quick, reassuring 'stay here' pat for Hakuryu, hurries after him.

The faces loom now, at this level. They even older and stranger than Hakkai first surmised, and they do not look happy to see them.

"I gotta tell you," Gojyo muses as he ducks underneath a fallen arch and continues on into a much bigger room, a hall or chamber of some sort, or at least it must have been once upon a time, Hakkai thinks as he looks around. "If this is where that kooky guy yesterday came from, I really think he was doing it wrong."

Hakkai agrees. The sorcerer hadn't struck him as particularly menacing, but there's something deeply unsettling about this place. The columns holding up the roof, or not in some cases, are twisted, broken things, the designs of which Hakkai prefers not to look too closely at as he makes his way across the room. Gojyo is wandering around to his right, leaning to peer more closely at a column and then jerking back, the look of mild revulsion on his face only confirming Hakkai's belief that the light shining through the broken roof and the overgrowing vegetation is a much more interesting sight.

"Okay, when I said "kind of creepy"," Gojyo decides, backing away from the column, "I might have been understating things."

And Hakkai agrees with that, too. This spell hasn't been terribly incapacitating but the temple, if that's what it is, does not positively reinforce the idea that it's necessarily harmless. At this point, Hakkai can't even tell whether it's getting worse or not, but the possibility still exists that it might and given their interactions with each other it's not too much of a stretch to believe mild inconvenience could develop into major handicap. For all of them, and in very different ways. Looking at this place, major handicap could just be the easy part. As much as Hakkai dreads the moment when Gojyo is no longer interested in... the kinds of activities they engaged in last night and are apparently not talking about today, he does not like the look of their collective futures, nor in fact the future of their mission and ultimately Togenkyo, if things continue.

"What do you reckon?" Gojyo says, turning around and walking back over to where Hakkai has been standing. "Split up, see if we can't get ourselves into even more shit?"

"What a brilliant idea," Hakkai says sharply and then wishes he really could kick himself.

"Whoa," Gojyo says, smirking. "Somebody got out on the wrong side of the-"

He stops, speaking and talking both, perhaps because he's only just remembered to whose bed he is referring.

"You think?" Hakkai snaps, and then forces out an even breath because he'd resolved not to mention it, especially not while he's like this. "Oh, I'm sorry, was I not supposed to say anything?"

Gojyo's expression falls a little. He even, Hakkai thinks, looks pained. That would be the face of a man trying to reject someone without hurting them, Hakkai realises, and steels himself.

"Hakkai…" Gojyo starts, and then his expression changes again, jerking away over Hakkai's shoulder.

The spell they're both under has changed many things between them, but not how well they know one another. Hakkai swings around, pulling his ki up into a deadly little projectile and putting all of his frustration, his futile desire into it, hurling it in the direction of Gojyo's gaze. The projectile hits the side of a column, one that still happens to be standing, and a familiar, brightly clothed figure goes flying, arms cartwheeling through the air, from its hiding place with an animal shriek. It lands heavily against another, less intact column and tumbles with a colourful flop into the rubble.

By the time he – their unusual wizard from yesterday – is recovering from his fall, Hakkai and Gojyo are standing over him. Hakkai likes to think that the temple monoliths' forbidding countenances are currently reflected to some extent in their expressions.

"Hello, asshole," Gojyo says with relish. "Remember us?"

The wizard stares up at them. His eyes are as mismatched as his clothes, but clearly he does remember them.

"But- But- But-" he stammers, wide-eyed. "I don't understand! You should be dead! You should be meat sacks and bones and-"

Hakkai reaches down, picks him up by the front of his robes, shoves him back against the stone behind him and _shakes_ him until his teeth clack together. It's a really rather satisfying sound.

"Lovely," Gojyo comments, and leans forward to glare into the youkai's pale, terrified face. "What do you think, Hakkai? We kill him, and break the spell?"

"Well, we can give it a try," Hakkai agrees.

Gojyo straightens, and puts out his hand. The scythe appears to fall into his palm from out of nowhere, and at almost the same time, the acid stench of urine suddenly fills the air. Hakkai can't say any enemy has ever reacted to the appearance of Gojyo's scythe by wetting his pants before, but it's also quite a satisfying result.

"No!" the wizard shrieks. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can undo it, really I can!"

Gojyo arches an eyebrow, but otherwise doesn't move.

"Keep talking."

"It's j- j- just an incantation." The youkai squirms in Hakkai's hold. Hakkai makes certain his piss-wet pants don't touch him. "All I gotta do is say the word."

Gojyo brings the scythe around to cradle it against his shoulder. It glints in the candlelight like a straight razor.

"Then I think you'd better say it," he advises. "You've got three seconds."

"Ma- Ma- Mazakalahs," the wizard stutters.

Hakkai feels nothing, but then again, he felt nothing when the spell was cast so there's no reason to think it hasn't worked now. He cuts Gojyo a look to find him watching him carefully. Hakkai wets his lips and holds his gaze.

"I'm glad this happened and I would very much like things to stay this way," he says, which is categorically not true on either count and should have, were the spell still working, come out completely differently. He blinks at Gojyo. "It seems to have worked."

Gojyo stares at him a little longer, and for a moment there's something in his expression that Hakkai can't read at all.

"Well of course it-" the youkai starts indignantly, breaking the moment and, "Shut up," Hakkai adds.

"Sort of worked," Gojyo smirks, his whole posture relaxing. "Good enough, I guess. Time to go."

Hakkai hesitates putting this annoying little demon down. "You don't still want to kill him?" he asks.

"Listen to you," Gojyo says, teasing. " _Almost_ worked. Nah. What's the point?"

"I suppose you're right," Hakkai concedes. "And I'm sure he wouldn't be so foolish as to _ever try again_."

Gojyo starts walking away, but somehow Hakkai just can't seem to make himself let go. All this trouble, and only the Gods know what things will be like between himself and Gojyo now. Certainly, they will never talk about it, will behave as if it never happened, and perhaps things won't change much except for one small, critical detail - Hakkai will remember. He will remember what it was like, how it felt, how his best friend touched him, how he tasted. How happy he was. He won't be able to forget, and he won't be able to stop wanting it.

He is really honestly reconsidering that part where they let this little weasel go.

"What is he?" the wizard says suddenly.

"I'm sorry?" Hakkai says, defaulting out of surprise to his normal conversational state.

"What is he? Your friend, I mean."

"I'm sorry but I don't seem to… "

The little creature rolls his mismatched eyes. "Well, he must be _something_ ," he says, as if it's obvious to all concerned. "Otherwise the spell would have worked on him too."

Hakkai freezes. He takes a single, measured breath and then he slowly and carefully sets the wizard back on his feet and lets him go. The demon eyes him suspiciously but doesn’t move.

"Explain," Hakkai says, very, very softly.

The wizard's eyes go a little wider. "Uh, yes, well, you see. It's not that the spell didn't work on you. I could tell that. I suppose I did something wrong initially, with the preparations, you understand. Maybe – " And here he says a word that is clearly dialectical in nature. "- meant eastwards, not widdershins? The book I got it from was a little, well, odd."

That's rich, Hakkai thinks, coming from someone whose sense of colour coordination seems to involve choosing items at random.

"Anyway," the demon continues. "I could feel it on you, but not on him." He jerks his head in the direction that Gojyo disappeared in. "So, I was wondering, just for the sake of future spell casting efficacy of course, if he was different? He looks like a human, but he's not wearing limiters like you are either. The annals say it works on all full creatures, although to be honest I wasn't that successful with ferrets. They just kind of belched. But I got good results on toads!"

Hakkai stares at him for a moment.

"And humans?"

The wizard looks distinctly uncomfortable for a moment. "The priest was the, uh, first." His expression lights up with hope. "I don't suppose _he_ turned inside out, did he?"

Hakkai frowns. "Not to my knowledge, no."

The youkai slumps again. "Oh."

Hakkai doesn't feel sorry for him, not at all, but...

"I don't suppose you perhaps misunderstood the purpose of the spell?" he ventures reluctantly. "Because while none of us have turned inside out, we _have_ been behaving… a little strangely."

That hopefully look comes back. Hakkai tries very hard not to think of a puppy anticipating a treat.

"You have?"

"What precisely did the spell say?"

"Oh, that it would take what was hidden and bring it out!" the wizard says excitedly. "The heart, it said; it would reveal the heart."

Hakkai hears the words, but all he can think is that of all the unfiltered, unconscious, unmonitored things he's said in the course of the last twenty-four hours, the one thing he didn't say to Gojyo is how he really feels.

"Don't you think," Hakkai suggests, "that the text might have been more symbolic than literal?"

The wizard blinks at him. "You mean," he says, voice trembling a little. "You mean, it _worked_?"

Considering the level of disruption to their lives, Hakkai feels fairly safe to say it worked exactly the way it was meant to. Eventually, Sanzo might have just handed over the Sutra not only without a fight but with a smile, and Goku might not have noticed or particularly cared. That would have left Hakkai and Gojyo to defend the mission, and while they were both capable fighters they might have been defeated eventually. It could have had the same result – the loss of the Sutra and the failure of their mission to stop the resurrection of the Ox King.

"I mean, you might like to consider the applications of such magic to, say, individuals in need," Hakkai says carefully. "With behavioural difficulties, perhaps, or repressed memories. You could make quite a name for yourself offering such services. Even quite a bit of money."

The demon's lip wobbles a little bit. "I- I could?"

Hakkai smiles reassuringly, and tells himself he's doing his bit to ensure the continuing peace between humans and demons. "Certainly. I think that would be a far better use of your unique talents. I think you could even provide protection from the Minus Wave, both against, and perhaps more importantly for, your fellow demon. I imagine they'd all be quite grateful to be able to get back to their normal lives. You'd be a hero."

"I would," the demon breathes, his eyes looking suspiciously bright.

"There, you see," Hakkai says in conclusion. "Now, I believe it's time I was going. Do try to stay out of -" He blinks and looks down, because the wizard is suddenly hugging him. He smells, but Hakkai tolerates it for the two point four seconds it lasts.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" the wizard gushes releasing him only to catch up his hand and give it an enthusiastic shake. "You have no idea how happy I am to know I'm not a failure. My ancestors would be so proud!"

Hakkai makes sure his smile stays in place, although it's a little difficult. "I'm sure they would. Good bye."

He cannot get out of there fast enough, and as he makes his way back to the car, the forbidding faces on the temple spires take on a new meaning. They're not four different beings, he realises; they're four different _expressions_. Reveal the heart, indeed.

Gojyo is lounging against the side of the jeep, smoking a cigarette, as Hakkai approaches. He's not looking in Hakkai's direction, but Hakkai doesn't doubt he knows he's there. He hasn't been able to sneak up on Gojyo in years.

"Good to be you again?" he asks, as Hakkai moves to lean himself against the jeep next to him.

"I'm not sure," Hakkai answers slowly. "I was almost starting to enjoy the direct approach. What about you?"

"What?" Gojyo says with studied nonchalance, and drops his cigarette and proceeds to grind it out. "You mean, do I still want dick? Nope. All good here. It's nice to be back to normal, I can tell you."

"That's funny," Hakkai says mildly. "Because the wizard told me that his spell didn't in fact have any effect on you at all."

Hakkai would have to be blind to have missed the way Gojyo freezes for a split second, before he laughs.

"Right, because it was so effective in the first place," he scoffs, turning and gripping the sides of the jeep so that he can climb up into the passenger seat.

"No, the spell worked perfectly," Hakkai contradicts, putting his hand on Gojyo's arm, stopping him. "It was designed to reveal the heart – symbolically speaking. Sanzo, underneath all that gruffness, is a kind and compassionate man. Goku… Perhaps on some level he desires to be left alone, and as for me… Well, you know me. Better than anybody. I'm not kind. Neither am I truly capable of… a lack of attachment. But you…"

Gojyo is not looking at him, but he can feel a fine tremor in the muscles under his hand.

"You, on your most fundamental level, believe you're not good enough to love. If the spell had worked on you, you wouldn't have- We wouldn't have-"

 _Made love_ , he wants to say, but that was not what happened, only what he _wants_ to happen.

"Tell me the truth," Hakkai says softly. "Gojyo."

Gojyo is tense for just another moment, and then he sighs and all the resistance seems to go out of him.

"When I was young," he says, very quietly. "After Mom… And Jien. I didn't know how else to survive. I stole stuff, food mostly, but it wasn't much. And then one time I was cruising this market, and this guy… Well, he wanted to pay me, and I figured, what the hell. It wasn't like I had anything worth keeping, right?"

Hakkai's hand clenches on Gojyo's arm involuntarily, because he can see, Great Merciful Gods, he can see Gojyo as barely more than a child, and to think that anyone would-

It makes him feel infinitely sad, and angry and powerless, and it must show in his face because Gojyo's shifts to look at him, startled, and then looks away again, shame in every line of his body.

"It wasn't a big deal," he says roughly. "It put food on the table and that's all that mattered. It was easy. That sort of shit's always been easy for me. Before I hit puberty, women just wanted to mother me, more often than not. Kind of made me feel like puking, you know? But not the men. And some of them, the guys I went with, they weren't so bad." He laughs, but it rings with a touch of bitterness. "One of them even taught me to play cards. Surprised the shit out of him when I started kicking his ass nine games out of ten. That was when I started to realise there was something I could do other than-"

He stops and turns again, to lean back against the side of the jeep again and stare back at the temple. Hakkai's hand on his arm falls away, and Hakkai grips the side of the door to stop himself from putting it back. He knows a non-verbal signal to back off when he sees it.

"In a way, it _was_ the spell," Gojyo sighs. "I went to the library, like you told me, and this guy there…"

"The librarian," Hakkai supplies, this time with far less vitriol than he'd used last night.

"Yeah. He was flirting with me. And I just kind of got it into my head. It's so _easy_ with women. I love 'em, don't get me wrong, but it's like I don't even try. And I thought, who's going to know? If I did something that I'm not supposed to, today, of all days, who would know?"

"I'm sorry," Hakkai says, but not in sympathy. "I beg your pardon, but where exactly did you get the idea that pleasure of any sort was something you're not supposed to have?"

"You don't know what it was like," Gojyo says in defence. "You think I would have survived a minute out there if I'd let myself actually act like that was something I did, something I liked? People had it out for me as it was. I was already a target, just because of who I am. It was just a means to an end and as soon as I found another way to live, I took it."

"And yet," Hakkai says, watching Gojyo's profile, and he can't see that young, desperate boy any more, only a man, his friend, someone that he loves. "It still feels good. It felt good with you. I wanted it, and I liked it, and I'd do it again, if you wanted to."

Gojyo glances at him then, and there is there is the smallest hint of red blooming in his cheeks.

"What I feel for you, Gojyo," Hakkai says, holding his gaze so that Gojyo knows, so he understands that he means every word. But then, he thinks, what words could possibly be adequate? Instead he leans over and kisses Gojyo on the mouth, and Hakkai has never understood why anyone would ever label kisses as 'chaste' when they express so much more than the sexual fulfilment of the body ever could.

When he draws back, Gojyo cheeks are a little redder still, and for a moment he just stares at Hakkai, and Hakkai thinks he sees more than just his refection in those eyes.

"Oh," Gojyo says finally, a little breathily, before his eyes drop to roughly the line of Hakkai's third button down and cracking into a smile that tries to be cocky but only really manages as far as charmingly self-conscious. "Oh. Ain't you the sweet talker?"

"Perhaps," Hakkai allows with a smile of his own. "But listen to me. Nothing has changed. I don't expect anything of you, except perhaps to continue to watch my back and laugh at all my jokes."

"Your jokes _are_ pretty funny," Gojyo agrees, smiling, and then pauses and lifts his hand to do nothing more than brush tentatively against Hakkai's wrist. "But… what if something _has_ changed?"

"That would be up to you," Hakkai says, although the air in his lungs feels just a little thinner from that one, simple touch. "I trust you'll let me know if you ever make a decision."

Gojyo compresses his lips and takes a breath.

"Sure. I can do that."

Hakkai smiles again, even though Gojyo doesn't see it, and turns his arm under Gojyo's touch so he can briefly clasp his hand.

"Then, with that sorted, and the magic dispelled, shall we drive back to town and see if Sanzo's back to his charming self?"

"Oh yeah," Gojyo agrees with relish and briefly squeezes his hand in return. "This is going to be good."

+++++++

_Omake_

Hakkai did say he didn't expect anything, and he didn't. However, three weeks after their little experience with mind-altering spells that, as it turns out, did _not_ cause them to have sex with each other, he's not entirely sure how he feels about Gojyo's newfound sexual freedom. It started quietly enough – a few extra smiles for the bar tenders and shop keepers, the occasional unconscious touching of waiters and fellow patrons – but it seems positive feedback was all Gojyo really needed because the flirting is now, Hakkai would say, on par with anything he's seen Gojyo display towards a pretty woman.

"If you glare any harder," Sanzo says distractedly between sips of tea while he sits next to Hakkai and reads his paper. "I'm going to have yet another landlord trying to sue us for damages. You know how much that pisses me off. You're not the one who has to do the god damn paperwork when we get back."

Hakkai frowns and puts his gaze elsewhere. When he and Gojyo had returned that day, it was to Sanzo's glower and a gruff "good work" and Goku's complete and utter silence as he proceeded to consume at least half the day's foodstocks that the inn possessed. And from that point on, it was almost like nothing had happened. Almost.

Across the table from him, Goku is working his way through his third helping of breakfast. He looks up only long enough to take a breath, and not for the first time in the last three weeks, Hakkai wonders how he can possibly keep eating so much without putting on a single pound of weight.

"Why don't you just go tell him to quit it, Hakkai?" Goku suggests around a mouthful of eggs. "He's only doing it to get your attention anyway."

Hakkai blinks at him, but in his chest his heart is suddenly beating quite rapidly.

"As if he didn't have it to start with," Sanzo grunts, and turns a page.

"You must be mistaken, Goku," Hakkai starts but Goku shakes his head and smiles at him as he reaches for his tea.

"Nah," he says, and gulps down a mouthful. "He totally keeps checking to see if you're looking. It's kinda funny, except I don't know why he'd want to deliberately piss you off."

"Language," Sanzo reminds and turns another page.

Goku throws Sanzo a grin he doesn't notice and then shrugs and keeps going.

"I've seen you mad," he says. "You're scary. I think Gojyo's crazy, personally. All he has to do is ask, right?"

Sanzo lowers his paper at that and peers at Goku with suddenly piercing attentiveness.

"Ask _what_?" he demands suspiciously.

Goku's grin shutters a little, but it's still there in his eyes as he ducks his head back towards his bowl and adjusts his chopsticks in his hand.

"How should I know?" he says. "Whatever it is the idiot _wants_ to ask."

"This is _your_ fault." Sanzo turns an accusing look on Hakkai.

"I hardly think-"

"Look, just go fix it, whatever it is," Sanzo says, turning back to his paper. "It's starting to give me a headache and him ideas and we're staying another day so don't say I never do anything for you."

"When have I ever said that?" Hakkai asks, rising from the table and earning himself another scowl. "Fine," he sighs. "I'll fix it. Don't blame me if you don't like the results, though."

"I'll blame whoever the fuck I please," Sanzo grunts and Goku grins again.

"Language, Sanzo," Goku chirps, and Hakkai catches Sanzo's less than amused retort as he turns and walks away from the table, toward Gojyo where he's standing, leaning against the concierge's desk, flirting outrageously with the very handsome concierge.

"A word, Gojyo," Hakkai says primly, cutting into the conversation without a single apology, and Gojyo flicks him a look and then straightens abruptly and gives the concierge an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, man. Gotta go."

Hakkai turns and starts walking across the room, Gojyo trailing behind him. He pushes through into a service entrance and makes a left into a side room and then stops.

"This reminds me of something," Gojyo remarks. "What is it with you and store rooms?"

Hakkai counts silently to five, and then turns again and stalks back to where Gojyo is standing. Gojyo watches him, his grin fading to wariness as Hakkai reaches past him and pushes the door shut.

"I know I said that I didn't expect anything," Hakkai starts, smiling one of his not so genuine smiles. "But I believe I've changed my mind."

Very deliberately, he puts his hand on Gojyo's chest and presses. Gojyo takes a step back, and Hakkai keeps pressing until Gojyo has backed up against the door. And then Hakkai holds him there and very deliberately leans in and kisses him. It is not chaste, but it still says everything that Hakkai feels.

"You had something you were going to tell me?" Hakkai says against Gojyo's mouth, and he can feel Gojyo's pulse racing under the finger tips he has against the side of his throat, can feel the trembling breath Gojyo releases, but more importantly, he can feel his smile.

"You know, not so great with words," Gojyo says softly, and his arms come up to slide around Hakkai's shoulders. "But let me show you." 


End file.
